Why I Hate Eric Graudins
69A Sneaky Pack of Lies
I am an infant Hubber only hours old and I've already encountered my first enemy. So early in the game... so very early.
Now don't get to thinking that I'm all despondent about this. Oh no, my good buddies! Heck, I'm happy... ek STATIC... top o' the mountain!
You see, it is my life's mission to find enemies. Not just any old enemy, either. No, no. Here's one of my principles: I accept only those enemies who drive me into a dark, consuming hatred... an absolute frenzy! Not interested in anyone who is just mildly repugnant. No sir... bitter hatred or nothing, I say!
I was sorta planning, while we went along here, to keep the suspense going by not naming my newfound enemy until the very end. Then I glanced up at the title. Shoot! I blew that idea out of the water before it had a chance to swim, didn't I? Dang me! I guess sorta planning is not one of my strong suits.
So anyway.
Many of you are probably wondering by now. I know you're wondering because I'm wondering myself. What the blazes am I talking about? (Sneak quick glance at title.) Oh yes... Eric Graudins... and why I hate him. It's good that you asked because I have my reasons. Good ones, too.
Well, for one thing, he's all cozy down there in balmy Australia while I'm up here freezing my butt off in blustery Canada. And being all cozy and such, I bet he's not in the least bit concerned that my butt is about to fall off. Dang him.
Then there's his face. Just look at it, all friendly and wise... handsome even, I guess. (How about it, girls, is he handsome?) And there's my face, all... well... you know, you've seen it... I'm sorry.
And what about his words? He chooses them ever so carefully and places them ever so delicately, precisely where they belong. Me, I grab mine out of the ether like a drunk guy grabbing things off the supermarket shelves in a race to get home before his wife finds out he went drinking instead of shopping. And, like the drunk guy, I let them randomly fall here and there, never quite getting them to the places they belong. Dang him some more.
But that's not the worst of it. Oh no. You know what he did? I'll tell you what he did: HE STOLE MY FIRST POST! Yeah, that's what he did.
And to add insult to that injury, he didn't even submit it as a Hub. No sir! You know what he did? I'll tell you what he did: He put in in his PROFILE! Do you believe that? Denervada guy!
I'm here looking at it now. "Eric Graudins on HubPages" he called it. Humph! Dang! Well, it all stops here.
Up until now he's fooled most folks. Most folks think the post is his. But I'm here to change that. He's twisted things around a bit to make it look like his, but it's not his. Nope. It's mine. It's MINE, I tell ya! I know it's mine because it's exactly what I wish I could have written...
... er-r-r-r-r
I hate him anyway.
I hate him so much I think I'll rush right over and become one of his fans!
CommentsLoading...
I'm not Eric yet but I want to be him as soon as I'm done being me! (I thought "Why I Admire A Witty Guy" would be a bit dry as a title.) Thanks for stopping by.
Nice Work Niteriter.
Now that someone hates me, I know that I'm really someone important!
You'll be happy to know that thanks to the power of the steam driven internet searching engine, your post comes up as number 3 on Google when someone searches for my name.
(Someone who was searching for me told me about it. I'll release him when I've completed my investigations into WHY he was searching for my name)
Sorry to have ruined your first post - but that's the way things go. I don't think you've suffered too much because of it.
And anyone who plays guitar can't be all bad.
Despite you hating me, I might put in a good word for you on the HubPages forums. Let's see if we can't get you a few more fans, because you write pretty well.
(And no Richard, He isn't me. But thanks for asking. And for the conspiracy theory :lol: )
Cheers,
Eric G.
Niteriter - sorry to hear your freezing in Canada. Whilst Eric bathes in heat (and glory) in sunnier climes. Sh*t happens.
And have you looked at his friendly face? Look real close. There's two of them. So don't be overwhelmed by his wonderful wordsmithing. He has two heads, you have one. And you know what they say about two heads don't you ...
Eric - I like you hater :)
I just became your fan; enjoyed your style and humor! :)
Clearly you guys are splitting your ad-cents income and have developed a mutual bitching society. I see the four eyed one holds a similar contempt for you Niteriter.
Believe me... as a kiwi.. there is not alot that is balmy about Tasmania; except the women there who believe that two heads are better than one! Welcome to a mad place.
Hey Eric is in Tasmania! It is so cold down there the hot water systems freeze overnight.
We were going to pack Tasmania up and put it away until it is further developed, or sink it, I can't quite remember which. :)
You need to know something about Eric... ahhhh, I see Earnest has already shared it with you.
Love it! Made me smile and laugh - can't beat that first thing in the morning! Welcome to HP BTW :)
LOL. Now you have to learn all about Tasmanians. :D
good one, i think... so now will you read my hubs i only have 2 and i could do with a few fans,,,,, promote me please
Hey Nitewriter,
I see that you've never ventured into the forums.
You could start with http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/24180
and talk to some of your new fans.
cheers,
Eric G.
It's good that you learned about Eric early in the game! Everyone hates that guy. Look at him up there. Staring at us from that comment box all smug, thinking he's smarter than us just because he has two heads.
It's good that you brought this to the forefront. Now that you've put yourself on his radar, you'll have to be careful. He will undoubtedly be sending Wayne the leg breaker to see you soon. I've got your back, though. You can always trust a jackalope!
Hey, where did all the people come from? I go away for a little while and come back to a crowded house! Okay, I confess, I like it. This is much better than being alone in the dark.
Eric, you're a gem. I admire your style, your knowledge, and your ability to see the giggle factor in a post from a guy who likely doesn't know the difference between etiquette and etymology. Thanks for being a good sport.
To the rest of you, thanks for coming by to visit. I appreciate every one of you. I'm sure I'll get an opportunity to greet each of you as we journey along together.
So you have chosen a great enemy. Frogdropping is correct on his two sides. One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity there ain't nothing can beat teamwork. I must admit tho', he ain't so stupid as not to recognize talent and I followed his lead here. *sorry Eric*
Will you hate me next?
I'm cold too! I wonder if its colder where I am than where you are???
Geez! How can anyone hate Eric? He is the poster boy for Hubpages Welcome Wagon. Always a smile, a tip, a suggestion, a point in the right direction. He will just love the fact that you hate him and he will probably do his best to help you to hate him more.
Q.
When will you start hating me?
Well nicomp, Hubs with a title like "How to Write on a Subject You Know Absolutely Nothing About" fall a little close to my section of the trailor park. I'd say the old ire is at a slow simmer at the moment but should be up to full-blown hatred in a couple of weeks or so.
Clever hub... (found it via your nemesis's mention of it in the forums)...
But isn't it better to right side up instead of upside down?
:D
Some of those upside down people have rapier-sharp wits. I live in fear of the retribution!
What a lovely hub! You also have a wonderful sense of humor , you made me laugh so hard I to have decided to become your fan.:)
Thank you for those very flattering words. I am honoured to have become your 1029th fan. A presence so popular is a good presence to follow, n'est ce pas?
Now why do I feel I know you from somewhere? :D
Globe trotters leave trails...! Thanks for stopping by.
Vraiment? Or should that be davvero?? :)
Mes histoires sont nombreuses en français. Dico molte bugie in italiano.
hi! Are you going to hate me too, say yes! I like your humour, made my day when reading stuff like this! thanks again!
Hey, pdh, good to see you again so soon! I'll do anything you say so, "Yes!" ...even though it's not in my nature to hate anyone for real. You're a gem; we'll run into each other again sometime soon.
Good for you Sir Niteriter, always looking out for the other fella. Don't forget to feed your head! (especially whiskey, beer or at the very least, some nefarious California brownies.
Cheers my friend,
Ben
Hey, Ben, good to see you here! I'm not around much these days... making some changes that are eating up all my time. Hopefully it'll be completed soon. Cheers to you.
Nefarious brownies, eh? Sounds like a topic for investigation.
RichardSpeaks Level 1 Commenter 2 years ago
What a powerful and homoerotic post! I'm sure your gay fans (and women, perhaps) will appreciate it and rush right over to Eric's hub. Good promotion.
PS You're actually Eric, right???