QA Manager on HubPages

The purpose of this article is to define the role of a QA Manager. And maybe, if a miracle or some other supernatural event occurs, I might even get to explain how it works on HubPages.

A word of warning to readers expecting to find useful information here: I am not well known for providing useful information; I am equally not well known for sticking to an article's purpose. You've been notified... my hands are clean.

Anyway, I feel compelled to post this article because I have been lying awake nights pondering the plight of the QA Manager. For days now, it's been there in the HubPages Ideabank, alone, overlooked by all our great writers. So here I am, doing my feeble bit to try and rescue it from a potentially imminent death at the hands of the Ideabank editors.

I was reluctant to pick up this universally shunned topic at first because I didn't know what it was. Nevertheless, I stoically donned my studying uniform and went out to do the necessary research. (Research, as every writer knows, must be done stoically since it is unpleasant. It is, however, a necessary part of quality articles. My articles don't get a lot of research.) To my relief, I discovered that I am not the only writer stricken with KDS (Knowledge Deficiency Syndrome) in connection with QA Manager.

First I trotted over to see my friends at the Urban Dictionary. They weren't of any help at all. They had a few smart remarks about "QA" but came up with only dumb looks and a few "coming soon" promises on the pertinent subject.

My next stop was at the Thesaurus, a researcher's friend since the quill and inkpot days. Again, no help. Everyone was apologetic, which I appreciated, but "sorry no results" did not move my project forward an inch.

Then I had a bright idea! Why not visit Uncle Google? I did. Presto! There it was. Thousands and thousands of selections to pick from. And right in the middle of the pile was a sign saying, "FREE! Take One". So I did.

I picked a pretty little thing labelled "Degree Dictionary". It was delightful creature and it was PACKED with the info I was looking for. I studied furiously until I had soaked my mind in QA Manager knowledge. When I was finished, I put the creature back. Which means it's still there if anyone is interested in going over to take a look.

Anyway, at the risk of horrifying everyone in the HubPages community, I'd like to fill you in on what a QA Manager does. Here's what it does:

IT MAKES NINETY GRAND A YEAR!

That sends a shiver up the spine, doesn't it? I'm sorry to drop it on you so harsh-like and all, but some stories just can't be told gently. Shudder! So many zeros between the nine and the decimal point... I think I'd better go back and study my Adsense lessons again.

As you know, I can't personally vouch for the accuracy of this report. I do know, though, that every rumour contains a little kernel of truth. Salary dot com, for instance, slides in an estimate of the QAM's average annual salary at somewhere around $89,000. So I'm gonna speculate that there is a fire under that there smoke!

As they say on TV, "But wait! There's more!"

First I'll bore you with a couple of tedious facts, then I'll drop the really nasty lowdown. And let me assure you, there's some really nasty lowdown to be dropped.

Tedious fact one, QA means "Quality Assurance". Quality Assurance is a science dedicated to ensuring that the products a company produces are the products the company said it would produce. Fairly simple really but people try to make it complicated so they can keep their jobs.

Tedious fact two, a QA Manager "supervises a staff in a Quality Assurance department", according to a definition I read somewhere, maybe in Degree Dictionary. I think what that really means is that a QAM's purpose is to torture the life out of the department's workers with policies and rules that make no sense. Again, fairly simple but made complicated to keep the employment stats looking spiffy.

Now listen to this. During my research, a person (who wants to be indentified only as "Low Larynx") came up to me and whispered in my ear. He (a generic term, not indicative of gender) told me that QA Managers don't do 20% of the work they're paid to do. Which didn't surprise me because all managers everywhere follow a similar work ethic. But what he said next made me sit up and arch an eyebrow.

"Listen carefully," he whispered. "The QAM crowd spends at least 80% of their time sitting around drinking coffee and writing Hubs. Don't forget that; it affects you and your friends."

That's all he'd say and eventually he melted back into the dark corner he had oozed out of. Which left me to sit... upright... with arched eyebrow... and do a little deducing. Having had some experience with deducing in the past, it took very little time for me to arrive at a disturbing yet inescapable conclusion. And my conclusion is the really nasty lowdown which I promised you I would drop. Here it is:

"We might have QA Managers lurking in the midst of our HubPages community."

I know some of you are going to think I'm paranoid to be fretting about this. It's alright; I don't mind. Lots of people think unkind things about me anyway, mostly because I work all night and sleep all day. But like I said, it's alright; I don't mind. I just happen to know that those irksomely cheerful salespeople and all those bill collectors sleep at night. I live a peaceful life.

Anyway, back to this QA Manager thing. I'm pretty sure there's somethng to Low Larynx's tip because I have evidence. Yeah, that's right... evidence... the personal experience type. Anecdotal evidence, scholars call it. Whatever it's called, you need to hear about it.

You see, I started to write this Hub a couple of nights ago. Full of enthusiasm and the love of writing, I entered into the spirit of my article with flourish and aplomb. I completed my opening paragraph with ease, hit "save" on the edit box, and leaned back to admire my handiwork.

Then something really weird happened. Let me tell you folks, it was CREEPY! Here's what happened: While I was looking at my monitor screen, an ugly yellow banner appeared right before my eyes... out of nowhere! The banner had some writing on it that said something like, "You are in danger of being..."

Let me tell you, I didn't hang around to read the rest of that banner. No sir! I jumped up out of my chair, ran to the bedroom, grabbed my furry blankey, and crawled under the bed. I didn't come out again until a couple of hours ago. I still feel a little jumpy but I'm here because I feel somewhat obligated to warn you folks, my good friends. You know, since I've done that research and all.

I no longer have that warm and fuzzy feeling about being a part of HubPages. I feel a little cold toward people; I'm a little more suspicious than I used to be; I have nightmares about being banished from everywhere without being told why. Life is not the happy experience I once knew; I am in desperate need of assurances.

So be careful, my fellow Hubbers. Study closely the profile of all who instruct you with their stern and haughty Hubs and who inscribe stern and haughty comments on yours. Any one of them could be a QA Manager.