Research Techniques, Guitars, Cannabis, Carbon Footprint, and Hang Gliding

I believe strongly that solid research techniques should underpin any article for which its author wishes to be taken seriously. We members of the HubPages community are, after all, the trail blazers of today who are setting new and higher standards for the writers of tomorrow. The wish to be taken seriously is a seasoning that should flavour every new Hub we publish from this day forward. Amen.

Which is why I, a notorious author of info-light articles, have no hope of ever being taken seriously. Which will undoubtedly spur the sharp-witted among us to opine that my opening paragraph has the credibility of a family values speech by a Republican politician in the US.

Like any other belief, though, my thoughts on the need for research are commingled with a series of sub beliefs. For instance, I believe that research should be done by someone - anyone - other than me; I believe that research should be done as quickly as possible since it is a tedious and irritating task; I believe research should be completed without bothersome questions, opinions, or complaints from the person assuming the task on my behalf; etc., etc.

However, for this particular Hub, I laid aside my personal beliefs and did all the research myself. And believe me, folks, I am genuinely glad I did. The experience made a powerful impression on me. It was a fifteen-minute period of my life I will never forget. The process of completing this Hub has firmly impressed on my mind the idea that my beliefs about research are valid, universally true, and of equal philosophical value with the Law of Attraction and Ghostbusting.

Anyway, to complete my research, I made use of an instrument called "Google Insights for Search". Insights for Search is a remarkable tool that allows you to compare the "search interest" value of a variety of keywords or phrases you may have on your mind, relative to each other. You are provided with many options through which to filter your queries, options such as search topic, geographical region, time period, etc.

After the results are calculated (a seconds-long process), the results are displayed on a graph with each word represented by a line with its own unique colour. Each word or phrase is measured on a scale of 0 - 100 where 0 means nobody gives a fiddler's fig and 100 means everyone is waiting anxiously to read your next Hub. I suspect that the financially astute among us sprinkle their Hubs with keywords that scale near the 100 mark more than than they do with those floundering around near the 0 point.

The tool has a Help Center which I can't comment on because I didn't bother to look at it. But I'll bet my last Adsense payout that it's really wonderful.

As you may already know from the title of this Hub, the keywords I chose to compare were guitars, cannabis, carbon footprint, and hang gliding. I chose to filter my search through the option choices Web Search, Worldwide, 2009, and All Categories. As you can probably guess, I found the input process to be somewhat pedantic, but when the results came back my life was forever changed! The experience can only be described as mystical and it would not let me rest until I had published this Hub!

I'll list here how each word fared on the 0 - 100 scale as a reference for the discussions on the individual keywords. Guitars came in first with a score of 88... yipee! Cannabis was a distant second at 52, with carbon footprint and hang gliding competing for oblivion at 5 and 2 respectively.

I will now attempt to explain how this information has meaning for an earnest Hubber. (Hi there, earnestshub.)

It didn't surprise me that guitars would rank high as a subject of universal interest. It's commonly known among mystics that St. Peter recently laid aside his harp to begin coaching all newcomers arriving at the Pearly Gates to play guitar instead. There are also gods here on earth influencing their followers to take an interest in learning to play guitar. Widely worshipped deities like Keith Richards, Randy Bachman, and Willie Nelson are ready examples.

I will reveal a secret here that is rich in opportunity for Hubbers. Here it is: guitar players and guitar students are rapidly forming into a cult that is sweeping the world. They are at this moment planning a "Guitars for Guns" campaign that will culminate in world peace.

Yes, that's right: world peace. The same world peace that so many sincere souls have longed for and against which arms manufacturers have so valiantly fought.

I encourage all Hubbers to join this world movement at their earliest convenience. The knowledge that you contributed to world peace would be reward enough for doing this, folks, but let me tell you something really exciting. There is an opportunity for wealth in this venture for each one of us. All we have to do is pay heed to one little secret.

Here is the secret: find opportunities to place the keywords "guitar" and "world peace" in every Hub you write from this day forward. Any day now, people around the world will be looking for articles containing ads for guitars and for books about world peace. If we pay heed to "the secret", our Adsense and Amazon accounts will be churning out earnings in volumes we've only dreamt about until now.

We can't lose. World peace; personal wealth; eternal utopia.

Oh, I just get so carried away!

Since cannabis (aka pot, weed, ganja, grass, marijuana) shows up on Google with a score of 52 out of a hundred, it could mean that, collectively speaking, people are searching for things connected to pot at least half the ltime. Or could it mean that the searches for things connected to pot are conducted by 52% of the world's population?

It's a recorded statistic that only 4% of the world's adult population admit to using pot. But what if we really do have 52% of our people taking a keen interest in the subject. Could it mean that Google has trapped the other 48% into admitting that they are liars or hypocrites?

The liars would be those who have found a way of getting high without getting caught. The hypocrites would be those who are trying to find out how the liars are doing it.

Just a little "outside the box" thinking here, folks; trying to make sense of the numbers!

Anyway, I'm reserving a more exhaustive discussion of cannabis for a future Hub. I would, though, like to make note of why I measured the term against the keyword "guitar". Ganja, my friends, will play an instrumental role (I love puns!) in the "Guitars for Guns" campaign.

The initial step is to give lots of weed to all the soldiers in the world. Once they are stoned out of their minds, old hippies from the 1960's will infiltrate their midst and tell them that guitars are more beautiful and sensual than guns. The starry-eyed soldiers will immediately want the guitars and will gladly hand over their guns to get one.

Guitars for guns. See how simple it is? For every problem there is a solution...

The second step is to toss all the guns in a very deep part of the ocean. In the meantime. the hippies will have taken up the task of teaching the soldiers to sing "Yellow Submarine" in four-part harmony. Accompanied, of course, by the sweetly strummed music from their guitars.

And we thereby will have achieved world peace. And utopia!

Oh, I just get so carried away!

This Hub began with my very good intentions to talk about how individuals could reduce their personal carbon footprint. But, as is my wont, I got sidetracked. After seeing the abysmally low ranking of carbon footprint compared to guitars and cannabis in Google Insights for Search, I decided that now was probably not the best time to raise that subject. And I then wandered off on a tangent that has a vague connection to the original topic, but unfortunately it's a connection I can't quite recall.

I would like to mention, though, that the upcoming UN Climate Change Summit in Copenhagen has put the attendees in a bit of an embarrassing spot. It seems that all those wealthy people flocking into the Copenhagen region with their private planes and limos will be kicking up a carbon storm estimated to be equal to that produced by an industrial city.

Being the entrepreneur I am, I see what I think may be an opportunity in this tricky turn of events. I've created a small website SEO'd for northeast Europe advertising stylish oxygen containers shaped like microphones. My own invention, I should add. If my website rises to the first page of Google, there could be tens of thousands of citizens running around Denmark pretending to be reporters.

But sticking their microphones in the faces of summit attendees very, very seldom.

As I said, I started out to write this Hub about reducing the carbon footprint of individual citizens. While doing my initial research, I became aware of the UN Summit's public relations problem as described in the previous section. While pondering the subject, I thought of a business idea that I have since decided to not pursue. I'm mentioning it here in closing in the event some other entrepreneurial Hubber might recognize the idea for the rich opportunity it is.

The idea is to privide a solution for the public relations problem facing the Climate Change Summit attendees. Those poor devils are desperate for a way to deflect the horrible criticism currently being thrown their way. They all want to fly in private aircraft because... well... because they're important enough to fly in private aircraft. But their critics say that doing so places them in a hypocritical position regarding their carbon footprint.

So... What's needed is a private aircraft with the capability of delivering folks to Copenhagen while leaving a ZERO carbon footprint.

The answer? A hang glider!

To get this idea in motion, all that's needed is a nicely polished HTML brochure and the email addresses of a few UN officials. After the first successful contact, units will sell like wildfire from word-of-mouth referrals alone. Customers will come begging for first class luxury customized aircraft, price not an issue. For the right individual, this is a sure path to unimaginable riches.

I would operate this business myself except I'm busy writing Hubs and performing referee duties in the Religion and Beliefs forum.

The idea is for sale to anyone with an offer in excess of $1,000,000.